Tourists at Niagara falls:
Guide: "I welcome u all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagara Falls" ...................
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.Beforeshe says a word, Bob says,"I'll give you 800 dollars to drop that towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel andstandsnaked infront of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves.Confused,butexcited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in thetowelandgoes back upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from theshower"Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies."Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800 dollars he owes me?"
There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London.
The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband.The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for roceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the store....................so what did she do? > >> >> > >>> > >> >> > >>> > >> >> > >>> > >> >> > >>> > >> >> > >>> > >> >> > >>> > >> >> > >>>(please scroll page down). > >> >> > >>> > What were you thinking?
HellOOOooooooOOOooo, her husband speaks English.
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.